Hey, welcome to my blog. Be free to add comment if you want to, and i would be appreciate if you offer me suggestions about anything that on my blog, also be honest of what you think!
Jenney <3 I like how u related the subject to history in the first sentence. Great example :D There are some numbers that u can fix into words, but overall, awesome =) ~aNNa
I think we kind of have the same perspective. I agree that if there is no motivation and encouragement from the government, the citizens would not do their best to make their society rich. Your evidences and analysis are very good, persuasively support your topic sentence and explain your evidences. Thus, I agree with Anna, you should transform the numbers into words. The transition between the 2 middle paragraph works not quiet well. You can ask a question at the end of this paragraph leading to a new paragraph for answers, that is one way to connect. btw, great hook!!! Giving some impress facts may interest the readers.
Jenney <3
ReplyDeleteI like how u related the subject to history in the first sentence. Great example :D
There are some numbers that u can fix into words, but overall, awesome =)
~aNNa
Wow, great essay. It's very clear for me. Great examples of fact.Good events, it's awesome.
ReplyDeleteJohnny
I think we kind of have the same perspective. I agree that if there is no motivation and encouragement from the government, the citizens would not do their best to make their society rich. Your evidences and analysis are very good, persuasively support your topic sentence and explain your evidences. Thus, I agree with Anna, you should transform the numbers into words. The transition between the 2 middle paragraph works not quiet well. You can ask a question at the end of this paragraph leading to a new paragraph for answers, that is one way to connect. btw, great hook!!! Giving some impress facts may interest the readers.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great essay and it very interest me may be you can may it shorter
ReplyDelete